101 ways to avoid the vote

1. Don't register
2. Register clinically insane
3. Send them hate mail
4. Burn parliament
5. ...then write them and tell them it was you.
6. Organise a red revolution
7. Drown the Prime Minister
8. Drown the opposition leader.
9. Drown them all.
10. Buy a pistol and shoot the fine.
11. Pay someone else to vote for you.
12. Get paid to vote for someone else.
13. Leave the country.
14. Lose yourself in a permanent acid trip
15. ...then vote for the pink elephant.
16. Organise a coup at the local school where the ballot boxes are held.
17. Befriend the Secretary-General.
18. Buy the S.G. a classy hooker.
19. Buy the S.G. a sheep.
20. Photograph the S.G. with a sheep and bribe him.
21. Excersice your right of free speech and declare war on the country.
22. Excersice your leg muscles and kick the ballot box until they kick you out.
23. Start a hippy commune in the desert.
24. Hide in a bush
25. Hide in your lover's bush
26. Claim sexual freedom and parade around parliament naked.
27. Ex-patriate to the Carribean.
28. Handcuff yourself to the Prime Minister and set her on fire
29. Become conjoined twins with the Prime Minister
30. Have a hangover on the final day of registrar
31. Read the policies of all the parties and burn their pamphlets in disgust
32. Live in a cave so they can't find you
33. Build a house in the cave and invite all your friends to live there
34. Declare your house a seperate nation and start a despot society
35. Declare society perforated and stick your cock in the holes
36. Declare the vote to be nothing more than a piece of paper and throw it in their faces.
37. Refuse to leave the house, even if they ask politely.
38. Don't vote, recieve your fine in the mail, frame it and sell it as pop art for tiwce what the fine is worth.
39. Go to America and vote there, they need you more.
40. Become our king.
41. Become our queen.
42. Become a queen and try to sleep with the S.G.
43. Succesfully sleep with the S.General then write an autobiography and sell the book succesfully off his fame.
44. Claim to be from the Shining Path
45. Claim a family connection to Jesus
46. Claim Jesus told you not to vote.
47. Claim they're all reptiles.
48. Claim they're all damned dirty apes.
49. Build a ladder to heaven and live on an asteroid with the little prince.
50. Smoke some weed and tell them not to worry so much.
51. Smoke some weed and forget to tell them anything.
52. Give the Queen a good time
53. Give the Prince a good time.
54. Give the papers a good story.
55. Wish you were back in Kansas.
56. Take Tony Abbott's innocence.
57. ...then give it back to his daughter.
58. Cross the border to Mexico and live as a holy man.
59. Sell all your posessions and pay your way off the grid.
60. Join a cult and give your vote the the leader
61. Love them until they tell you to go away.
62. Fill fizzler sticks with cocaine and hand them out with your business card.
63. Follow them around without saying anything until they send you for rehabilitation.
64. Realise this is a lucid dream and wake up.
65. Stare at the television until you don't care anymore.
66. Send telepathic messages to them saying kill... kill....
67. Brainwash the nation into focussing their powers on re-creating cats the musical for your entertainment.
68. Brainwash the nation into voting for you
69. ...then proclaim yourself the next messiah and take all the women to a desert island.
70. Shoot the Prime Minister and blame it on Oswald.
71. Shoot Oswald and blame it on the Prime Minister.
72. Start a flag producing company and weave a micro penis into every flag in the country, only revealing your actions once your master plan is complete
73. ...and subsequently be extradited.
74. Make love and forget about it
75. Make love in the ballot line
76. Make love in the jail cell
77. Join the space program and forget to return to Earth
78. Give your vote to the aliens in space
79. Give your vote to the mailman
80. Give your vote to Stalin and proclaim a democratic communist take-over.
81. Get wasted every day.
82. Spike the punch and get them wasted every day.
83. Become a vagabond.
84. Become a hobo.
85. Give them your neighbours address and hit the road.
86. Follow the yellow brick road and get lost in the land of Oz.
87. Tell them you have no arms so you can't vote
88. ...when they ask for proof cut theirs off.
89. Create artificial intelligence and give your vote to it.
90. Marry your robot in international waters and never come back.
91. Spit in their faces.
92. Throw wine in their faces.
93. Throw your face into their face.
94. Change your name and have plastic surgery.
95. Live in a stormwater drain under the local police station, they never look close to home.
96. Stare at the ballot box until they tell you to go home
97. Bring a cat to stare at the ballot box until they tell you to go home.
98. Become a crazy cat lady.
99. ...get a sex change if you're a man.
100. Drink laxatives on the day of the ballot
101. ...and shit in the box.

10-aug-10